It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for Martinus. “You mean a Martini,” the bartender asks. The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I’d have asked for it”.
A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says “five beers, please”.
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and plumber? Ask them to pronounce unionised.
Pavlov is sitting at a pub enjoying a pint. The phone rings and he jumps up shouting “Oh shit, I forgot to feed the dog!”
Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says “sorry, we don’t serve noble gases here”. He doesn’t react.
There’s a band called 1023Mb. They haven’t had any gigs yet.
Why do engineers confuse Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31 = Dec 25.
Q: What does the B stand for in Benoît B Mandelbrot?
A: Benoît B Mandelbrot.
Three statisticians go out hunting together. After a while they spot a solitary rabbit. The first statistician takes aim and overshoots. The second aims and undershoots. The third shouts out “We got him!”
