Pause for breath
THERE ARE FOUR main ways of inserting a pause in written text: a full stop, a comma, a colon, and a semicolon. They all behave in different ways. The most common pause is the full stop, which separates sentences. Shorts sentences are good. They convey urgency. Drama. Action. A comma is where you would naturally […]
Word origins
WHAT DO YOU CALL the small knife medieval monks used to sharpen their quill pens? A penknife. The French term for a hospital that can move from place to place is hôpital ambulant, from which we get the word ambulance. A large piece of wood which is too wet to burn is stored at the […]
Mushroom lore
WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE between button mushrooms, the larger chestnut mushrooms and the much bigger portobello mushrooms? Nothing. They’re all the same mushroom, at different stages of their growth.
Port and starboard
BEFORE SHIPS WERE EQUIPPED with properly functioning rudders, they were steered with a giant oar suspended over the stern. It was too big to be brought on deck, so when ships were in harbour it was stored by lashing it to the right side of the vessel. When mooring, the ship would position itself so […]
Brass monkeys
CANNONBALLS ON SAILING SHIPS had a tendency to roll around the deck. Stacking them in a pyramid helped, not only to keep them in a neat pile but also because the friction between them helped stop them rolling away. To make sure they didn’t roll around the deck, the powder monkeys – the sailors charged […]
Of pigs and cats
MEDIEVAL PIG BREEDERS found that the problem with selling piglets at market was that the little tykes would run about all over the place. To stop them making their escape, they would put them in a bag, known as a poke. (A small poke is to this day called a pocket.) The more unscrupulous breeders […]
Political quotes
MANY POLITICIANS can’t open their mouth without putting their feet in it. Here are just a few of my favourite examples of political bollocks. “A day like today is not a day for soundbites… but I feel the hand of history upon our shoulder with respect to this, I really do.”Tony Blair “You know, the […]
Dictionary of rhetoric
I LOVE RHETORIC. Politicians love rhetoric. Barack Obama is a master of it, as was Churchill. Tony Blair used to beat it into shape with a heavy fist (education, education, education). As the Ancient Greeks knew, it could greatly help to convince your listeners of the truth of what you were saying. But I always […]
Me, me, me
IT’S COMMONLY HELD among the middle classes that to begin a sentence with ‘Me’ is a sign of a poor education. ‘Me and my mate went to the movies’ is a sure way of showing your grammatical ignorance. ‘My mate and me went to the movies’ is barely any better, although it does have the […]
Why don’t we zag zig?
YOU CAN LISTEN TO HIP HOP, but not hop hip. You can hear the pitter patter of tiny feet, but never the patter pitter. You can hear chit chat turning into a right ding dong, but never chat chit turning into a dong ding. Reduplicatives, they’re called, these doubled-up words with a single changed syllable. […]
Mispronounciations
THAT’S A MISTAKE, of course. Most people know that the noun isn’t pronounciation, but pronunciation. And they’ll duly write in to Radio 4 in their hundreds every time they hear the word on the radio. The surprising thing is that they’ll write in to complain even when it has been pronounced correctly: they’re expecting it […]
The red big bus
THERE’S NOTHING GRAMMATICALLY WRONG with that headline. Determiner, adjective, adjective, noun. So why is it so awkward to read? Every native English speaker instinctively knows the correct order in which to place adjectives in a sentence. Let’s give it its correct formulation, and make it longer: The big old red London bus. Moving any of those […]
Don’t misquote me
YOU’LL OFTEN HEAR PEOPLE talking about Shooting themselves in the foot, or Gilding the lily, or proclaiming that Money is the root of all evil. These quotes are either wrong, or used incorrectly. Shooting oneself in the foot The phrase is most often used to suggest that someone has inadvertently committed a blunder. But that’s not at all what […]
Poetry and prose
LIKE EVERY OTHER SCHOOLBOY and girl in the country, I was taught that poetry should be pronounced ploddingly, with a pause at the end of each line, making sure you hammer home the metre: Di dum di dum di dum di daaaah, Di dum di dum di doo; Di dum di dum di dum di daaaah, […]
If only
WORD PLACEMENT WITHIN A SENTENCE does, of course, affect the sense of the sentence. But there are few words whose precise location changes the meaning of the sentence as much as the word “only”. Consider the following variants: Only John poured sugar in his coffee today. No one else poured sugar in their coffee. John […]
Updating classics
IT’S HARD TO KNOW where to stand on the tricky issue of updating classics to suit contemporary sensibilities. One argument is to leave them alone. But can the BBC really broadcast The Dambusters in full, complete with Wing Commander Guy Gibson repeatedly bellowing for his dog with the unfortunate name? When my children were very […]
That’ll do nicely
ONE OF THE MOST MEMORABLE television commercial series of the 1970s was for American Express, created by Ogilvy & Mather. In the first commercial, first aired in 1975, a businessman rushes up to an airline check-in desk with the words “I’ve got to get back to Bahrain tonight”. He produces his American Express card, which is […]
Advertising slogans
IN MORE GENTLE TIMES, slogans always included the name of the product. Guinness is good for you. Ah, Bisto! All because the lady loves Milk Tray. Happiness is a cigar called Hamlet. Don’t be vague, ask for Haig. This approach is now seen as somewhat heavy-handed, and a subtler approach is considered more appropriate. We’ve […]